What's in a Name?...Lots

So this topic has always made me shake my head but has never really given me the passion to write about it until a couple instances this week. One case centered on a famous newlywed couple and one case dealt with a statistic. After hearing about the first case that involved Beyonce and Jay-Z I was half way tempted to write my reaction about the whole larger issue but decided to hold off. After I saw the statistic that Darren Rovell retweeted yesterday, I could not hold back any longer.

What is up with parents who give their children actual birth names that have absolutely no fit for a human being? I understand that the world’s population keeps getting larger and larger and that it is nice to have some sort of individuality but at some point you would think parents could tell the difference between a unique name and a stupid name.

Earlier this week, it was discovered that Beyonce and Jay-Z decided to name their newborn baby “Blue Ivy.” I don’t know if that sounds more like a stripper’s name or an ice cream flavor at Baskin-Robbins but I do know it is no fit for a person.

Probably even more ridiculous was the statistic that sports business guru Darrenn Rovell (@DarrenRovell) retweeted today from the account of Paul Swangard (@PaulSwangard). The stat proclaimed that in the United States right now, there are 33 children named “ESPN.” What the hell? Okay, I am a huge sports fan but if I ever name my kid after a sports station please send Child Protective Services to my house.

I guess the main issue here is that parents take little time to recognize the impact that the name they give their kid is going to have on him/her for the rest of his/her life. I mean long after the parents are six feet under, the kid they gave birth to is still going to have to suffer from their birth name (unless they had already legally changed it). Could you imagine a fifty year old business executive going into work to start the day and his secretary greets him with “Good Morning ESPN. Remember, you have a meeting in your office at 8am.”

But excuse me for even looking ahead that far down the road, could you just imagine what childhood must be like? I remember growing up and seeing fellow classmates and friends suffer because their name deviated just a little bit from the norm. Growing up with a name that is so far off the crazy train is going to be just pure hell. Teachers won’t take the kid seriously, classmates and friends will be confused and will definitely make fun of him/her.

If you ask me, a bizarre and inappropriate first name can have implications even more serious than a person who has tattoos that are non-coverable. When applying for jobs, if you go in for an interview and you have a tattoo on your neck that says “F@#$ You” (which I have seen) chances are you will not get offered the job. But with a strange name, you probably won’t even get an interview in the first place. Let’s face it, employers are not going to take seriously a person who turns in an application and above the line where your first name is supposed to go it reads  “Apple” or “Prince Michael.” I know I would not call the person in for an interview with a name like that.

The travesty in this whole thing is that it is of absolute no fault of the person who is given the name. From the moment that the birth certificate is signed, that baby is screwed. He/she is unfortunately handicapped by the stupid and impaired decision by his/her parents. Yes, the kid will be given more appropriate nicknames and opportunities will surface for the person to legally change his/her name but the stigma of the initial birth name will still follow.

Before I end, I just want to bring up the most repulsive and offensive baby names I have ever heard of parents giving out. A few years ago it came to light that a couple named their son “Adolf Hitler” and named their daughter “Aryan Nation” (Click Here for the Sad Story. This is totally true….and sad. It goes without saying, some people should have absolutely no right to reproduce.

Let’s just remember to bless babies with decent, real names. Show some respect and don’t hinder your child’s future for whatever crazy and popular idea you have at the time. Remember, the kid has to live with the name, not you. Don’t Blink.